You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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