I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
