i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
