What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
