i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
