She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
