Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
