What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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