whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
