You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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