Me. At least after what I've been through.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
