Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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