its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
