I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
