Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
