So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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