Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
