that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
