Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
