dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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