you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
