You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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