Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
