I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
