weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
