escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
