Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to calm my uterus...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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