I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
