He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
