Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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