Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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