Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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