I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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