i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
