I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
