I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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