omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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