end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
