sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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