shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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