its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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