He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
