just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
