I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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