God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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