Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
