You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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