I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i think my cat just said my name.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
