so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize