oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
