Swine flu. Run for my life!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
