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ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
