he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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