Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
