Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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