Duck Duck Cougar?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
