The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
