You just made me feel so damn special
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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