meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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