I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
