How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
