I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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