the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
