what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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