If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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