ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
